Dude my mom stole all your condoms
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
