Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
