I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
