dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
