True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
