Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
