One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
