'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
