Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
