Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
