we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
