I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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