is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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