Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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