Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
