how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
