I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
