My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
