Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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