I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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