I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
