your thong is hanging out like whoa
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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