why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
