I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
