I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
