Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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