You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
