Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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