i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
