i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
