I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
