I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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