i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
