i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
