I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
