Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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