I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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