I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
