i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
