I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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