Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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