Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize