he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
