why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
