goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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