you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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