Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
