piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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