Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
