Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This baby is an asshole
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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