Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
