Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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