wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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