Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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