After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize