So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
