what if every blade of grass was a penis?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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