Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize