Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
