i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
