I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
