I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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