you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
