I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
