I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
