hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
