I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
