do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
