I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
