Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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