Welp...herpes.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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