so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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